Tampering with the ball

i guess the big news of the moment is ball-tampering. by now all of us are aware of the implications of this seemingly harmless act. ok, we may have taken an aggressive stand about the punitive measures decided on by the match referee, but the fact remains that even sachin tendulkar with his stature and spotless reputation has now a slur cast on his character.the delhi government has sat up and noticed these recent developments with some alarm. they are acutely aware that this city's image needs some sprucing up, and realise that if they don't take measures to clean up, then some fingers may soon be pointed at the citizens of this city too. because the simple fact is that ball-tampering is rampant in all parts of the capital. in the playing fields. in the parks. in shops. in markets. in every conceivable public space. wherever you look there is ball-tampering going on. mr khanna an otherwise model citizen, owner of a motor spare parts shop, is doing it whenever he goes to the park. mr sondhi, a building contractor, father of two children, does it every morning in front of his latest construction site. mr singh, a driving instructor, who is so careful with safety rules, does it out in the open, between his lessons. infact a recent estimate has it that 42% of delhi's male population are all involved in ball-tampering to some degree or the other. some of them do it on a daily basis. some of them are occasional tamperers. while others do it up to ten or fifteen times a day. the delhi government is tackling this on two fronts. first of all on the legal front they are going to be passing legislation making ball-tampering an illegal act in all public places. for the first offence the guilty will be let off with a warning. on second offence they can be fined rs 500 or spend a day in jail. citizens are being encouraged to report ball-tamperers. it doesn't matter if he is your friend, your father, your brother, your teacher, your boss, your landlord, your neighbour or your uncle. if he's doing it simply dial 1-800-noball and report him. next on an awareness level, the government is spreading knowledge about how we can all resist this malaise. what follows is an excerpt from the official government leaflet. attention citizens of delhi. it is in your good interest not to indulge in ball-tampering. even though you may be sorely tempted to do it, here are some ways to avoid it: the utilisation of loose undergarments. if your inners are loose and comfortable there is less chance of pinching and squeezing, so you may walk and work in comfort. the generous use of talcum powder in the relevant areas. to encourage this, these powders will now be made available at 25% discount from government fair price shops. in extreme cases where there may be some allergy, a special preparation of gentamicin and tolnalfatate in a creamy base may be applied. these emergency sachets will be air-dropped everyday at noon, when ball-tampering is at its most rampant. renowned professor noscracthwallah says 'when you feel that urge, that twitch, think of something else. also when you see a friend look left and right, and his fingers begin to quiver, you know what he is going to do, so distract him with a shout.' most people are applauding the government's efforts, sunaina, a college girl says, ''i think it's high time this practice was checked. it's disgusting and embarrassing.'' but there are others who feel it is their right to ball-tamper. satish singh, tempo owner, who is an experienced ball-tamperer and has been at it for ten years is defensive. he feels it is a man's right to play with the equipment he chooses. even though he is in a minority he tries to be belligerent. asked direct questions about his habit, he is very short, curt and rude. eyes narrrowed he says through clenched teeth ''frankly, i'm beginning to lose my tamper.'' (kullar@indiatimes.com)